


Dear Alex/Dear Jo

by doc_pickles, Odd_birds_and_booksellers



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Communication via Letters, F/M, Who Knows What's Going to Happen, canon compliantish, post 16x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 12,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doc_pickles/pseuds/doc_pickles, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_birds_and_booksellers/pseuds/Odd_birds_and_booksellers
Summary: When your husband sends you a letter telling you he's left you to move halfway across the country and raise kids he didn't know he has, you don't respond. Right? Because only a crazy person would write a letter in response to divorce papers and 'I'm not coming home'.-A series of letters between Jo and Alex after she responds to his infamous letter.
Relationships: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev
Comments: 37
Kudos: 87
Collections: The Group Chat's Fics





	1. Dear Alex

**Author's Note:**

> I think I speak for both Lay and I when I say we are deeply sorry for this. We went back and forth on this idea for a little while and less than 24 hours later the first part of this story was out in the wild. I promise I am working on the other stuff I'm procrastinating on (can't speak for the other person here) but I really have a lot of ideas for this project that I'm stoked about.  
> Enjoy this chapter!!  
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex,

It’s been six months and I really shouldn’t be writing this but I couldn’t help it. My therapist said that I should write you a letter to express my feelings on what happened. I don’t think she wanted me to actually send it, but it felt right… Sending this letter, writing your address down on the envelope, it all made sense. It made more sense than writing this all down and never letting you read it. 

It’s been raining a lot more than usual here, which I think is ironic. The patio flooded and Schmidt and I had to scramble around to make sure the doors were sealed properly. He’s living with me now and it’s been easier to get through things knowing that I don’t have to come home to an empty loft. He’s funny, he makes me laugh when I need it, even though his sense of humor is a bit odd. It’s still comforting, it’s still someone to make things easier. 

Now that I think about it, if Meredith found out I was doing this she’d strangle me and tell me I’m stupid and then talk about how she moved on from Derek. But how am I supposed to do that when I know you’re not dead, when you’re halfway across the country alive and well and I’m… I’m here. I’m still here in Seattle and half of me is so fucking angry at you and the other half wants to drive to Kansas and bring you back home. 

I would never do that to you though, I know your kids mean the world to you and I don’t want to stand in the middle of that. That’s why I didn’t call you or yell at you or whatever… Mer showed me some pictures, they both look so much like you. Eli has that same crooked smile as you, so I get why you couldn’t walk away. 

I understand if you don’t answer my letter, I’m sure you never thought I would answer yours but I had to. I just needed you to know that it’s okay, that I get why you left. I may hate the decision you made, in fact I do hate it because it’s left this gaping hole in my chest and somedays I feel like I can’t breathe. But I get it, I understand why you chose your kids. You were right when you said I would be the one to understand why you didn’t, why you couldn’t, leave them. Because I do, I love you enough to understand and I just needed to tell you that myself. 

Your words were comforting in some sick sense of the word. I had sat at home and the hospital and Joe’s for weeks wondering if you were alive or dead and when I opened that letter I got my answer. It wasn’t the answer that I was expecting or hoping for, but it was an answer nonetheless. I hope, in some twisted way, that my words comfort you too. That knowing I’m okay with what happened helps you to heal too, because I think we both need a little bit of that. 

I hope you’re doing okay, I hope that they’re everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I hope that they make you laugh and that they kiss you goodnight because I know you’re the best dad they could ask for. 

I hope you’re happy there. 

Always,

Jo


	2. Dear Jo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He really shouldn't respond, it will just hurt them both more and yet here he is at two in the morning pouring down his feelings.

Dear Jo, 

I don’t know where to begin, I’ve been staring at this piece of paper for hours, every time I write a sentence it ends up in the trash and it’s not because I have nothing to say to you, it’s because I have so much to say but I’m not sure it’s my place anymore I’m not sure it’s fair for me to tell you all about my life. 

Even though I want to. I really want to because you weren’t just my wife you were my best friend and I miss you. I want your opinions on my cases at work, and I wanna tell you all the weird funny things my kids do, I wanna know how you are and what you’re doing, I want to know everything. But I know that’s not fair to you and I know I chose to let you go but I can’t help it, sometimes my brain just goes ‘I need to tell Jo that’. 

I’ve also considered the fact you probably didn’t even want me to reply to your letter, I’m sure your therapist will have a field day with my response but I can’t seem to stop myself. 

I can’t believe you’re living with Schmidt of all people, but I’m glad he’s making you laugh, I’m glad you’re not alone. It gives me peace of mind that I probably don’t deserve to hear how well you are doing.

Reading your letter confirmed for me something I think I’ve always known, I don’t deserve you, I have never deserved you. I don’t deserve someone who loves me enough to accept and understand all the pain I caused. After everything you’ve been through in your life, I hate that I’ve become another name on the list of people that let you down, but I’d rather let you down once then let you down for the rest of your life and I hope it is the happiest life, Jo. 

I guess what I really wanna say is thank you, for understanding me and for letting me go because I do love being a father. I love it, Jo...I love it so much. It’s like nothing I’ve ever known when they come running through the door shouting for dad it fills me with this sense of belonging I’ve never had. It’s something I’ve been longing for since I was a kid. 

And as for Eli well he’s just like me, it’s not just the crooked smile we have in common we have the same temper too. You know I taught him your trick the other day, the one where you throw soft toys at the wall, he loved it. Being able to be here for them the way our parents never were for us, it means everything to me.

But I hope you know as much as I love being a father. I don’t regret one moment of our life together, I missed five years of their life but I don’t think I’d be the father I am today without you. Jo, you are by far the greatest thing to ever happen to me in all my time at Grey Sloan, you took this broken man and you made him whole. I don’t wanna be dead to you, I don’t wanna erase our history or act like what we shared was nothing. 

God Jo...I wish it wasn’t so hard, I wish I could take all your pain away because I swear to god Jo I’d take it all in a heartbeat. I’m sorry. I know sorry fixes nothing. I know sorry doesn't make it hurt any less but I truly am sorry, but you should also know there’s no gaping hole in my chest because you’ve never left it, a part of me will always love you. 

With great love and respect

Alex 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed chapter two, this series is so fun to write and very therapeutic except when I'm listening to country songs about cheating at two in the morning.   
> Lay 
> 
> (Ps. Yes I did steal some of this from the Vampire Diaries but if it fits then it fits and my brain only works in various TV quotes.)


	3. Dear Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! We’re back to our lovely lady Josephine who does try to (rightfully) kick Alex’s ass in this chapter :) Have fun!!  
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex,

Is it weird to write letters to your ex? Link said yes but he’s about as weird as they come so I have no way to tell for sure. He’s an okay substitute for a best friend, but it’s not the same as telling you everything and anything like we used to do. I feel the same way you do, there’s so much I want to tell you about Seattle and Grey Sloan and what’s been happening since you left. But it just feels like twisting the knife of an already painful situation. I hope we get there eventually, because there’s nothing in this world I want back more than my best friend, but I think only time will tell on that one. 

As far as my therapist goes, what she doesn’t know won’t kill her. That’s probably not the best thing to say, but I can’t tell her absolutely everything that happens in my life can I? I mean I can... I should... let’s just agree to keep this between us. 

Yesterday I got puked on and I thought of you. I started hysterically laughing and this guy was looking at me like I’d lost my mind. But I was remembering that day that I kept getting puked on and you kept yelling at me. It made me miss those times, my first year at Grey Sloan when things were so much easier and life was less complicated...

Sorry don’t mean to be a downer here, I’m trying my best to be happy and shiny but shit it’s hard. Link says my fake smile is getting worse and I should just own up to the fact that I’m not entirely happy. Which is bullshit. I am happy, I love my job and my coworkers, I love waking up and saving lives.... It’s just hard some days because Seattle doesn’t seem the same anymore. At least there’s a bit of sunshine now, the rain is letting up and it seem like the good weather might stay for a bit. 

Eli sounds fantastic by the way, a Karev through and through. I really do love hearing about them, your kids, the little mini Alex’s. I’m sure they’re already practicing dads scowl, just picturing a six year old with your grumpy old man attitude makes me giggle. I hope they’re mocking you and giving you hell, it might be just what you need. 

And another thing... stop throwing yourself a pity party Alexander Michael! You know just as well as I do that I wouldn’t be who I am today without you and all you did for me, our relationship was always a two way street of taking and giving to each other. I wouldn’t have had the courage to stand up to Paul, I wouldn’t have gotten the closure I needed from Vicki, I wouldn’t have chased the dreams I have and I wouldn’t be the doctor I am today without YOU. You changed my life more than anyone I’ve ever met, anyone I ever will meet. You’ll never know just how grateful I am to you for that. 

And for fucks sake, stop apologizing! Any pain and misery over what happened between us is in the past. I’ve worked through it, I’m good and I don’t need you to apologize every time you write me a letter. (and I do mean it when I say I hope you keep writing me letters...) 

I gotta go, duty calls and I think Schmidt is getting suspicious of me writing letters by candlelight at 3 AM like a Victorian scholar. If you happen to write back, I want to know more about your kids or even about your work... I hope that’s okay that I asked, it just makes things feel more normal. Not that they ever could be but... well you know what I mean.

Forever Rambling,

Jo

(PS: If my next letter comes from jail it’s because I smothered Schmidt with a pillow due to his obnoxious snoring.......) 


	4. Dear Jo

_ Dear Jo _

_ To answer your question, yes it is 100% weird to send letters to your ex but then again you've never been that normal and clearly neither have I. I also understand what you mean about twisting the knife, it’s a bittersweet feeling for me, I want to know how well you're doing and how happy you are, and selfishly I want to keep any possible tie to you but it also serves a stark reminder of everything I gave up.  _

_ Also, you absolutely do have to tell your therapist everything...well everything that is important and you have to promise me that if this gets too hard, or messy or something for you changes that we’ll stop, that you’ll do what's best for you okay? _

_ I do remember that patient being sick on you, by the way, it was the first time I didn't think you were a bloody idiot like the rest of them, interns, even though it was technically me that solved the case. It was the fact that you never gave up on the guy. When I was an intern I thought I was the shit, I mean you know they called me Evil Spawn and with good reason. If I had that patient when I was an intern, I would have sent him packing a long time ago, I'd have probably killed the guy. I remember your first year well, it was my first year as a fellow and honestly, I never saw you coming, you sort of took by surprise with how you just seemed to fit into my life like you were just a missing part of me. _

_ You’ll regret asking about my kids though because honestly, I could talk about them all day, I’ve become one of those parents I used to hate, if someone stops long enough in the supermarket I'll be showing them a photo. I've included one by the way...a photo of me and my kids, I’m not really sure what's appropriate here, there's no guide to writing to your ex-wife. It was taken a couple of weeks back, it was just me and them for the day and I took them for ice cream. It’s stupid to say but when I was a kid there was this ice cream parlour, it was one of those old fashioned classics you see in the movies, anyway it was right down the street from the bar my dad used to take me too and on nights when he’d blackout at the bar or get into it with someone I’d wander down the road and just watch all the happy families go in and out. I used to play a game where I'd guess what they were celebrating and then one day when I was about nine I stopped guessing I realized some families just have happy family outings for no reason at all. That day I vowed to myself if ever had kids I do just that, celebrate all the little things. I think it was why I was so insistent about waffle Sundays back in Seattle. So anyhow that's what we're doing in the picture, the twins were high on sugar, and we all had these matching milkshake moustaches and somehow I became the parent that needs to take a 100 photos. I dunno maybe I’m overcompensating for lost time with them.  _

_ But they do give me hell by the way and not just when they’re high on sugar, yesterday Alexis came home from school and told me she had not one but two boyfriends and I almost had a heart attack right there and then. I’ve only known them eight months but I’ve definitely taught them my explicit vocabulary which didn’t go down well at Eli’s soccer practice when he told the goalie to go fuck himself. Yeah, I was definitely in the dog house for that one. _

_ I’ll stop the pity party or I'll try at least but you're wrong, you're so wrong, you got away from Paul and started a new life on your own, it was you who had the courage to divorce him, hell you didn’t have to help Jenny and you still did. You found your mom and you got help when you needed it, and I didn’t spend much time at that centre with you but I know full well you're a much stronger person than I am. You are this incredibly strong, brave, brilliant doctor despite all of that and no one, not a single person deserves the credit for your resilience. So I'll stop the pity party but I make no promises on the apology front, I don’t think I'll ever not be sorry for the pain I've caused, for all that I've done and it's so hard not to apologize when I know I'm the reason for your down days, for Seattle becoming a place you don’t know but I will stop writing the word sorry if that makes it easier for you because I do intend to keep writing back. However, if I have to stop apologizing then so do you, don't’ apologize for your feelings...ever.  _

_ My work is fantastic by the way. I’m chief at Children's Mercy Kansas City, it’s insane. It's everything I love about being a chief and head of paediatrics in one. The equipment there it's all built for children. I mean its state of the art stuff, it's just incredible. I wish you could see it, it’s all I ever dreamed the peds ward at Grey Sloan could be.  _

_ How is your work by the way? If I know you, your brain is already thinking of some amazing medical procedure from the future.  _

_ I hope to hear from you soon.  _

_ Love _

_ Alex _

_ (Ps. don't kill Schmidt but if you do, don't go with smothering, your cooking at  ~~ home ~~ the loft will be enough to do it plus smothering is way too obvious.) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back with my main Alex, he's doing quite well all things considered, let's see how long that lasts.  
> Lay


	5. Dear Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty sure this chapter made Lay when I sent it to her but in my defense her last one HURT ME. Anywaaaaays enjoy!! Lay and I are super excited about what’s to come for this fic ;)  
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex

I did break down and tell my therapist that we’ve been writing which was... tough. I imagine it’s a lot like having your parents yell at you for doing something bad as a kid. I promised her (and I suppose you too now) that if it gets to be too much that I’ll stop. 

It’s such an odd feeling, being in Grey Sloan without you here. I mean, you’ve been here since my first day as an intern, you were as much a part of the hospital as the walls or the supply closets. When you went to Pac North, I still saw you all the time so it didn’t feel all that different, but now things feel… empty. The hallways are just a bit too big and the ORs just a bit quieter. Nonetheless I’m getting along just fine so don’t start worrying about me. 

I love the photo you sent, I feel like a crazy woman carrying it around in my purse with the urge to stop patients and show them. But telling a complete stranger ‘Look! It’s my ex husband and his kids he didn’t know about while we were married!’ isn't a great conversation starter. You look so happy with them and for the record I totally knew you’d be a selfie taking dad. You’ll never be like your dad Alex, I know you feel like that because you’ve missed so much time with your kids but you could never be like that. 

And I’d pay good money to see a mini Alex yelling the word fuck, I can picture it in my head and it cracks me up. I’m glad you’re already rubbing off on them, even if it’s the curse words and bad stuff. (Are we shocked though?) 

I’m trying to become more in tune with my emotions, which is really fucking hard when you’ve spent over half your life repressing them. I’ve felt a lot of things the past few months, some things I don’t think I’ve ever felt before and some that are all too familiar. But there’s some truth to what you said and I’m learning to own it… I’m a badass and I’m strong and I did get myself to where I am now. I still do mean it when I say I wouldn’t be where I am without you, but I’m also coming to realize that I’ve done a hell of a lot of my own work as well. When I couldn’t see the truth or the realities in front of me, when I couldn’t keep going you were always there to push me forward and be a guiding light for me. Now I’m pushing myself forward and I know I’ll be okay with that, without someone holding my hand through it. 

Hearing that you’re working in a children’s hospital makes me irrationally happy, I can tell just from the little you’ve told me that you’re exactly where you belong. For being a grumpy old man you sure do have a heart that beats for babies and kids. Although I can’t even imagine a children’s hospital during flu season…

Work for me is good, I think Meredith is getting used to having me around because she’s letting me in on all these cool surgeries and having me do more solo work on new procedures. I do kind of miss my fellowship but being able to cut people open is much more satisfying. I hope I can go back to research someday, but for now the blood and guts will do. 

Also your snide remarks on my cooking are not appreciated, I made eggs and bacon the other day and Schmidt actually complimented my cooking so take that. 

Can’t wait to hear what the kids have been up to since you last wrote, I’m sure they’re driving you up the wall as they should be. Take care of yourself old man. 

Always,

Jo 

(PS: Drinking a milkshake and thinking of taking a milk mustache selfie…) 

  
  



	6. Dear Jo

Dear Jo

We’re getting pretty good at this letter business, I have to say I never really saw us becoming pen pals but I'll take what I can get. 

I always worry about you. It's just a habit I can't break but I'm not worried about you when it comes to Grey Sloan or Seattle Grace Mercy death as I used to like to call it, that hospital it’s like no hospital I've ever worked at and probably will ever work at again. Those walls seem quiet now but it’ll change. You know before you turned up I was gonna leave Grey Sloan, I only stayed because of the plane crash, I’d been there a long time and I felt like I'd outgrown the place like it wasn't somewhere that felt like home anymore, and then you showed up. Now I didn't stay because I knew you but you made me glad I did, you made me realise that you have to stick it out in the bad times to get to the good.

I’m not sure you're right about my dad though, it's hard not to feel like him sometimes, I want to feel like I’ve changed, that I’m a better man, a good man, but I still get angry, I still lash out, I still walk out on the people I love. 

I used to be really scared of being a dad, I still am most days, but that day when I first got here I could hear your voice in my head telling me that I was gonna be a good dad...that you loved the way I cared for my patients and it's what got me through the front door. Being loved by you was everything, I think you were the first person to actually truly love all of me, even the grumpy angry side of me that people tend to hate. You should share that with someone, that all or nothing kinda love...when you're ready of course. You deserve to have someone hold your hand in life Jo, celebrate all the amazing things that you do, you deserve to have someone that looks after you and makes you feel the way you make others feel. I hope you find that in someone I really do. 

Mer called me the other day, she probably didn’t mention it but she’s called a few times, she actually said she was annoyed because she’s pretty sure you’re going to be a far better surgeon than her or maybe the same level as her, at least that's what she said. If I know you’ll probably have a Catherine Fox way before she ever did. 

Wow, Schmidt must really like you to complement your cooking because I loved you and I couldn’t stomach eating it and trust me I tried. 

The kids are good, thankfully no swearing instances this week. The novelty of having a dad still hasn’t worn off, every time I drop them to school they parade me in to show everyone like they need to prove that they do in fact have a daddy. Alexis has a father-daughter dance next week and I think she might just burst with excitement. If I’m being honest the idea kinda scares me, I’m not really one for all the cheesy crap and dancing is not exactly a skill of mine. Mainly I’m just worried I won’t live up to her expectations like I’ll let her down if I’m not the dad she’s been dreaming of. 

It’s terrifying...being a parent and it's so much worse because every time I look to my side, I'm looking for you and you're not there and I can't ask you to be there because I’m with Izzie now, and she's been good to me, she's been understanding when I probably wouldn't have been. I don't know if I should talk about Izzie or not, it feels wrong to talk about her with you and it feels wrong to talk about you with her. I just don't know what to do because I’m trying to make this relationship work. I want it to work. I want this fairytale for my kids. I want them to have this idyllic world where mom and dad are home at dinner time and to tuck them in at night, I want to be in the next room when they have nightmares so I can scare the monsters away. I want them to have these memories of their parents happy and I need them to know they came from a place of love because they did. I’m trying to do everything I can to give them that, so they aren't like me and you sitting by the window waiting for someone to come love them wondering if it was something they did when no one comes. 

More than words

Alex 

(ps. I'm a little offended that there's no photo attached of you with a milkshake moustache but I’ll let it slide.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't wanna brag but I think I'm winning this emotional game of tennis, so bring it, Nina. 
> 
> But actually don't cause I'm fragile. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, we love hearing from you guys.


	7. Dear Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So funny story, Lay sent me her last letter and I sent her back a video of me sobbing my eyes out. I really wanted to keep Jo kind of as a strong badass woman in this fic, but if I broke down reading that letter I can’t even imagine what her reaction would be. So she’s a bit more vulnerable in this letter. I hope y’all enjoy it!! :)  
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex

Please refrain from using the words Pen Pals, it makes it sound like one of us is in prison. I don’t wanna be that person but… Anyways, I do enjoy writing to you. I’ve taken to carrying a notepad around and jotting things down when I think of them so I can add them to the letter when I’m not super busy. Here’s what I have so far: 

  * The patient who came in with a mechanical pencil through his earlobe because he was trying to be “trendy” 
  * Talk about how Link is slowly getting a dad bod
  * Reese’s and Wine (I think this was supposed to go on my grocery list instead)
  * Frankie’s back (he’s fine I promise) and I had to *awkwardly* tell his mom you didn’t work here and we were divorced 



The list helps keep me sane, we’ve been so busy lately that sometimes I feel like I don’t even have a second to breathe. Stealing away moments in hallways and on call rooms to write things down gives me a reprieve. It’s almost like you’re still here with me, like I still have a piece of you here. 

By the way, thank you for that tidbit of information about Meredith. I will absolutely be using that next time she tries to shit in my cornflakes about something. 

You know how I can tell that you’re nothing like your dad? You care so deeply about your kids. You talk about them with so much love and excitement, you want to be there for them, you’re scared. You wouldn’t be scared if you didn’t love them. And I’m sure all Alexis wants is for her daddy to be there with her, you know she’s probably missed a few daddy daughter dances already so this is your chance to show her you’re going to be there. (I’m confident your hilariously bad dancing skills will be a hit on the dance floor) 

I wish more than anything that I could be there with you Alex. Whenever I pictured you becoming a father it was with me, it was always something we’d do together. It’ll happen for me someday, but seeing you as a dad is the greatest joy I’ve ever known. I’m glad that you and Izzie are working things out for the kids, they deserve to have parents who love each other and show them that love daily. 

I’m just gonna say it, I sound freaking pathetic. Did you know I downloaded Tinder? I spent all of thirty minutes on it before deleting it and then laying in bed staring at the ceiling. I’m so freaking lonely and I know you’re the last person I should be venting to about this, but I’m so used to telling you everything that I can’t help it. I miss you, I miss you being in our bed and in the OR and just being here. I’m so glad you have your family though, that your kids have their father and that Izzie gets to experience that head over heels love that I did with you. I’m serious, I really am happy that you’re happy but… I miss you. A lot. 

I don’t really know how to end this letter, it’s 3 AM and I just got off a shift and I had one glass too many of wine, so I feel like saying goodnight is appropriate. 

I hope you’re sleeping well, right down the hall ready to fight off any monsters for Eli and Alexis. I hope you don’t have your own monsters to fight off either, you don’t deserve that. 

Eternally,

Jo

(PS: Included a selfie as requested, it’s with a kidney instead of a milkshake though…) 


	8. Dear Jo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took so long. I struggled channelling my inner Alex but the good news is we have some really exiting stuff planned so stay tuned and check out @thejolexgroupchat for more amazing fics.

Dear Jo

I’m tempted to ask how's the head? Even though I know you'll be receiving this letter weeks after you sent yours. 

Today I lost a patient and it was rough, really rough. She was the sweetest little thing, barely two and fighting leukaemia. I’ve lost patients before. I’ve given the same speech ‘We did everything we could but unfortunately blah blah blah.’ I’ve done it. So I don’t know why today felt so much harder, perhaps it was because after I informed the family they asked me if I had kids. It's such a small question, one I've been asked a thousand times in my career, I've always said no obviously but today for the first time I got to say yes. Peds has always been hardcore but now it feels the like stakes are higher, it's not like I wasn’t sympathetic before like I didn’t feel every loss...I did. But there's something about having my own kids, and that terrifying feeling that comes with knowing how much I have to lose that makes it all that much harder. So today when this grieving mother asked me if I had kids for a split moment I saw my two lying on that table and I dunno today just feels a little shitter then usual, you know?

Sorry for ranting on, it’s just the minute I got out of that room I felt like smashing something and I had to remind myself I'm not that guy anymore. Honestly, I kinda saw red, so mad at myself for not doing enough to save her, and I know realistically we all lose patients and maybe there was nothing left for me to do but today sitting with that grieving family thinking about my own children, it had me questioning if I fought hard enough. Did I fight as hard as I’d want someone to fight for Eli and Alexis? I knew the person I wanted to talk to was you, you were the first person I thought of and I don’t know...I just know when I need someone to understand me without judgement it’s always you, so here I am writing you one depressing letter.

By the way, you don’t sound pathetic Jo. Maybe tinder isn’t your thing but don’t people say some crap like love finds when you least expect it or something like that and for what it’s worth when love does find you again, you are gonna be an incredible mother, just look at the way you take care of others around you. Whoever is standing beside you when it happens is one lucky guy. 

I don’t wanna seem ungrateful or even unhappy because I’m so in awe of my life, of this happy healthy family that people could only dream of, but I do miss you. More than I care to admit. I’m always gonna miss you, Jo, I’m always gonna wake up and wish you were here but that’s not fair. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to Izzie. I’ve already hurt both of you enough, I promise to give this relationship a chance but it’s not the same knowing you’re out there. I don’t wanna hurt you anymore then I have Jo. 

I’m always fighting monsters away but you already knew that...I hope yours aren't keeping you up at night. You don’t sleep enough and it’s bad for your health you know, trust me I’m a doctor.

Love  
Alex 

(Ps. Don't’ mind the scribbles all over the envelope, I took Eli to the post box with me and he likes to colour.)


	9. Dear Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me sending this to lay: yeah I dunno what happened I think Jo’s spirit possessed me and wrote this without my consent. 
> 
> Anyways Lay & I had a brain storming session earlier so I kinda already knew where I wanted to take Jo with this letter! like she said, I am super duper excited for where this is going and what’s gonna happen to these two hehe  
> Enjoy!!   
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex,

I slept for almost nine hours after I wrote that letter, probably the best sleep I’ve gotten in awhile. I woke up to Schmitt poking me in the face to make sure I wasn’t dead…

I can’t think of any words to tell you besides I’m so sorry. Obviously I have no idea the kind of emotions running through your head since I don’t have kids (no tiny Alex babies hiding out here, I promise) but I can only imagine how much harder that makes our line of work. But I do know you, I know how great of a doctor you are and how hard you fight for your patients, how you never give up on them. I’m sure that whatever you did to fight for that little girl is how hard you would’ve fought if one of your own babies was on the table. I know that it’s hard trying to do your job and not think about Eli and Alexis, but if anyone can do it it’s you. You are so strong and you’re an amazing doctor, don’t ever doubt that for a second. 

You’ve grown so much since I first met you, I know that urge to throw things and scream and be an angry mess is still laying deep in your chest but the fact that you see that and choose to take the high road says so much about you. You know I’ll always get you, always understand the emotions swirling around in your head. We’re cut from the same crappy cloth, we have the same crappy coping mechanisms. (And I’ll be the first to tell you that losing your shit every once in awhile is okay)

Once again about to write things that you proooobably shouldn’t send to your ex husband, but you’re also my best friend… or you were? Don’t know where that stands but Link is useless now that he has a baby and Meredith is well… Meredith. But I went on a date and GOD DAMN IT was it horrifying. I forgot how traumatizing making small talk is, especially with people you have nothing in common with. I went out with this accountant and yeah he was attractive and a decent kisser, but he might’ve been the most boring person I’ve ever had a conversation with. Maggie set us up and I’m going to have to strangle her because I almost stabbed my eyes out with the salad fork. Dinner was good though and I didn’t have to pay, so that was a plus, but suffering through 45 minutes of dull conversation for a good burger isn’t my idea of a fun Friday.

Between my disastrous dating life and packing my surgery schedule as tightly as I can, I’ve been so overwhelmed. I threw my car keys away the other day and spent two hours looking for them before I realized what I had done. It’s hard to keep my head on straight these days, especially when there’s so many different thoughts swirling around in my head. It’s like a revolving door of surgeries and my personal life and grocery lists and keeping Schmitt alive and you. You’re always there, no matter how hard I try to kick you out. 

Sometimes I wonder if all we get is one chance to do things right, like really right. Every man that came before you was and is nothing when I line them up with you. You and me, we worked so well and I’m pretty sure I’m never going to get that chance again no matter how many times you or Link or whoever tells me I will. I’m okay with that, you loved me enough to last a few lifetimes anyways, so if you’re all I get then it was worth it. 

I wish I could be with you too, but I’m glad that you and Izzie are working together to make things better for your kids. It’s what they deserve, it’s what  you  deserve. You deserve your happy family and your kids and someone who can give all of that to you. So don’t worry about how much you have or haven’t hurt me, worry about your family. Worry about Eli and Alexis and Izzie and keeping them happy.

Will either of us ever write a letter that doesn’t end with something incredibly sappy and sad? Probably not, but I think that sums us up pretty well. 

Take care of yourself, you have two little people depending on you now and they need a dad who doesn’t fall asleep as he’s getting ready for work.

Always,

Jo

(PS- Please tell Eli his pterodactyl was a highlight of my week, it’s hanging in my locker at work now.)


	10. Dear Jo

Dear Jo,

It’s a bit manic here at the moment, Eli and Alexis's birthday is next week and I swear you’d think we’re planning a wedding with 800 guests. There is a colour scheme and a seating chart and all this other shit. I don’t know what’s going, to be honest, I just go where I’m told. I never had this crap growing up so I guess I don’t understand the fuss. I am excited to spend their birthday with them though. I missed the first five and this is a chance to make up for it, I'm gonna be the oldest guy on the bounce house I don't even care as long as my kids remember it. 

You know even when we were best friends I never liked to hear about you with another guy and I’m not saying I don’t wanna hear about it. Well, I am but not seriously. It’s not fair for me to be jealous when I’m the one that chose to leave but the idea of another man's hands on you kinda makes me feel like someone’s ripping my heart out of my chest.

You know I never told you this because I was embarrassed or whatever but do you remember we had this case your intern year and the parents were just awful, they kept arguing, you thought they might even kill each other because they couldn’t stand to be in the same room. Well, that day you asked me if I thought workplace relationships could work out, you so kindly pointed out that none of mine had, you actually said I was single and alone with just a mattress and a bowl but I disagreed with you, despite all my failed attempts I thought that no matter how much you fight it if it’s meant to be it will be. You can't escape it you know. Well when I said that I was talking about you, I was talking about the fact I was falling for you even when I didn’t want to. Even when I was terrified to love someone again, I just couldn’t stop myself from falling for you. (You made fun of me by the way, if only you knew what a soppy mess you’d become one day.) Anyway, I was gonna tell you that day but that was the day you went out with Peckwell. Man, I hated that guy and not just because he was an arrogant asshat but because he had you. 

We may be cut from the same cloth but you have always been way out of my league. I mean even Mer thinks it and she’s meant to be my person or whatever the hell she calls it. I’m serious, do you know how many times people have told me that you were too good for me? Do you remember how in awe I was to even get you to marry me? I’ve never understood what it is you saw in me, I still don’t. 

I don’t think I’m your chance, Jo, at least I hope I’m not because my god you deserve better than a lifetime of crappy ass letters. I don’t wanna be all you get, because I’ll never be enough, I can’t give you everything you deserve Jo, I love you and I’ll always love you but I can’t give you the love you deserve Jo, you should have so much more than this. Whatever the hell this is. 

I worry about you always, I mean it’s mainly that you’ll kill Schmidt and end up in prison because he’s disturbing your sleep and if there’s one thing I know about you it’s not to wake you up early, even though I hear they do have a good pen pal system in prison. 

I hope you’re taking care of yourself, and that you’re eating enough fruit and veg because you forget you know, you get busy and you forget to eat anything and then you always grab the worst thing. I’m pretty sure you think the grocery store consists of a chocolate and chips aisle only. You can’t survive on that crap, stick an orange in your pocket or something okay? 

Love 

Alex 

(Ps. Today’s letter features an array of Frozen stickers, aka the worst film known to man and Eli’s spilt chocolate milk because he got over-excited when Dora came on. I hate Dora, she is always looking for something right behind her.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have fried my brain, I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, so back to Nina.   
> Lay


	11. Dear Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fun fact.... I was waiting and waiting for Lay to write me back when in fact I was the one who was supposed to write to her. WHOOPS. Anyways enjoy this next installment!!  
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex,

Meredith showed me the video of you in the bounce house. I have to say I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile, but I do hope you’re back has recovered from that fall. I’m glad you were able to be there for their birthday, I know that was probably a really big deal for you and them. 

Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond, Meredith loaded me up with cases and I’ve barely had a moment to breathe. I think I’ve been home maybe four times in the last three weeks, but the satisfaction of being a badass trumps my need for sleep. 

I will say I did manage to drag myself out of the hospital and make myself look presentable enough for a date. I’ll spare you the details but it went better than the last one and I think we’ll probably meet up again. 

It’s not the same, I don’t think it ever will be, but it’s something. Something to look forward to and make me get out of bed in the morning. It’s not like surgery doesn’t give me a thrill, but this is different. I won’t elaborate, no matter how our relationship progresses it’s not fair to you to hear that from me. I do hope, however, that you and Izzie are doing well together. 

Oh! Scout and I have been hanging out lately, which says a lot because I think I’m starting to consider a six month old my new best friend. He’s a very good listener to be fair. In all seriousness, I’ve been considering fostering or something like that because of him. Watching Link with his son just kinda stirred something up in me and since I’m single now I think fostering would be a good option. I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it. Maybe I’ll just keep stealing Link’s baby…

Schmitt moved out, by the way. Him and Nico are disgustingly adorable together so that's something I guess. So I’m back all by myself but the imminent threat of jail is no longer a thing so I guess we can be thankful for one thing. I am taking care of myself, as I hope you are too. I imagine Izzie just force feeds you vegetables and you can’t spit them out because you need Eli and Alexis to eat theirs too. So that’s comforting. 

Okay that’s enough rambling for now, I’ve gotta go make sure my dinner hasn’t burned to a crisp (no incidents so far) 

Stay safe, take care, and don’t be stupid. 

Love,

Jo

(PS - Included some stickers for E and A, figured they needed some more with the amount of stickers on my last letter)


	12. Dear Jo

Dear Jo,

I realise it’s been a long time since I last wrote to you, things got a little hectic around here. My days are spent being run around at the hospital and chasing six-year-olds around a freaking farm, it feels like there's never a spare moment around here and when there is I'm typically sleeping. 

You’ve probably been on a few more dates since we last spoke, I hope they're going well...I know that sounded awkward but I guess it’s not exactly a normal thing to do you know? wish your ex-wife well on her dates but I do hope they’re going well. I'm glad you have something that makes you happy and gets you excited...outside of the hospital of course unless he’s from the hospital? You never really said.

Things with Izzie are okay I guess...I mean nothing is sunshine and rainbows right? I think I have to keep in mind that I'm not the only one adjusting, I’ve been trying to be so mindful of the kid's feelings and making sure this transition goes smoothly for them, that they aren't scarred or whatever like I am, that I forget this all new for Izzie...we’re almost different people now and it’s hard to find our footing again I guess. 

Actually, I’m lying and I don't why I don't wanna lie to you, Jo. Things are not okay, not really. I feel like I'm tiptoeing around Izzie, trying to be the man she wants but I’m not the type of guy to surprise someone with flowers or go on date nights. I think bar food tastes better than any kinda restaurant cuisine crap and honestly, I don’t wanna try to be someone I’m not.

I’ve found myself sitting through family dinners, plastering on a fake smile and I never...I never wanted to be that family you know. My kids are smart, really smart (I don’t wanna brag they really are tiny genius-level smart) and I’m worried they're gonna pick up on the fact everything isn’t perfect.

God, they’re everything Jo...they really are. I feel like I go on about them way too much but they are these troublemaking rug rats that keep me on my toes and make me laugh until my cheeks hurt. They make me happier than I’d ever thought possible and I just wanna give them everything I never had. 

You would be a great foster mom...I’m serious when I was in foster care 15 year old me would’ve killed to have a hot foster mom like you. All jokes aside you really will be the best mom Jo, however, and whenever you decide to be one I just know it but until then Scout is incredibly lucky to have such a cool Aunt.

Have you taken in any more strays since we last spoke? I know it must be getting cold in Seattle by now. Did you remember to get a new fuse for the heater...I was meant to do it last year and I just shoved it in the closest but it’s pretty faulty so you shouldn’t sleep with it on and don’t forget to oil the door before it gets too cold and freezes shut. 

Stay safe and don’t burn the loft or yourself.

Love Alex

(PS. Kids loved the stickers by the way...the interior of my car not so much. Yeah, it was a real fun afternoon peeling those off. I included another drawing by the way. Alexis was feeling a bit sick this week so she came to work with me, came back from a meeting and my whole desk was littered with them...anyway, Tinkerbell made me think of you so it’s yours plus she even made her brunette.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in letters it was all my fault of course...I only wrote this so Nina wouldn't swim across the Atlantic and kill me so. 
> 
> Anyway...what do you guys think will happen next?  
> As always thanks for reading.   
> Lay


	13. Dear Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen Lay, in my defense I threatened to swim across the ocean AFTER I read that letter. So there’s that. 
> 
> Hope y’all enjoy this, I really said eff it and went all in lol
> 
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex,

Who would’ve guessed that kids would be so draining? Definitely not the man who’s worked with children daily for almost a decade… Honestly though, I’m glad that your kids are keeping you busy. I’m sure it’s fun to be needed so much, I can see them calling for you and you running to do whatever silly thing it is they ask of you. 

I was seeing this guy from Seattle Pres. I say was because on our last date his WIFE showed up to throw a martini in my face and yell at me for sleeping with her husband… Pretty sure he got away clean so clearly she’s got some issues to sort out, but I’ve officially stopped dating. I can’t do it, if I’m supposed to fall in love again I’ll do it the old fashioned way by bumping into a stranger at the grocery store or treating some guy in the ER that ends up being my third husband. (Yikes Jo, nice track record…)

I think you’re right you know, about your kids catching on to you and Izzie being unhappy. You and I both know that happy parents are better than parents that are just staying together for their kids. It’s a hard decision to make, but I know you have a good head on your shoulders. Also screw Izzie! I know I shouldn’t say that but she of all people should know that you’re not someone who changes who they are. You’ve grown so much and I know that the man you are today is a great dad and a great partner, if she can’t see that then that’s her problem not yours. 

I promise I’m not trying to sabotage your relationship, I just know that when you’re unhappy you make it pretty obvious. Deep down you know I still love you and I want what’s best for you, that’s why I let you go. But if you’re dragging yourself through the motions just to put on a show for your kids, is it worth it?

I swear to god Alex if I were next to you right now I’d slap you upside the head. Hot foster mom?! You make it sound so dirty… If you must know, I did go through with signing up to foster. I know it’s not going to be the easiest thing with my job, but I think Amelia was getting tired of me stealing her kid. I’ve been working on the loft nonstop since I wrote my last letter trying to get it ready for my home inspection this week. It’s honestly a miracle we survived in this place, it’s a literal death trap. With all the baby proofing and shit I was doing I definitely forgot to oil the door… I had to call Link to come and save me because I was trapped in this stupid loft for almost a whole day. Nonetheless, it looks amazing in here and I’m excited for what’s to come. 

Also, the new Peds Chief is kinda a dick. I think him and Meredith are hooking up, but he can be such an ass sometimes. He’s got this thick Irish accent and when I do something wrong I swear I can’t understand a word that man says. We worked together last week and wheeeeew I swear he’s lucky we were around a 5 year old because I would’ve handed his ass to him if we weren’t.

Anyways hope things get better out there for you. When in doubt, follow your heart. I know you’ll do what’s best for you and for your kids. 

Love, 

Jo 

(PS - Sorry about the stickers… or not, maybe your car needed some pizazz)

  
  
  



	14. Dear Jo

Dear Jo,

I spent a long time wondering if I should write this letter at all if I’m honest it’s something I’ve been dreading. You see Izzie found our letters...your letters. 

I tried to explain that we were just friends, that this was nothing more than two friends staying in contact, but I’m not sure that's true I mean not for me anyway. If I didn't think anything of our letters then why am I hiding it from her? She’s been good to me you know? She’s been a single mom for five years and overnight she just let me into her family, into her kid's lives and she’s been so patient with me as I tried to find my way as a parent.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, all I seem to do is hurt the people I love, if I’m not hurting Izzie I’m hurting you and I don’t know what to do anymore. Whatever I do, someone gets hurt. 

So I moved out...actually Izzie kicked me out, apparently our letters were and I quote “emotionally cheating” whatever the hell that means. Maybe I moved too fast, I rushed into this life, I got so excited about having kids and a family that I just raced right in, and I love being a dad I do but I can’t help thinking that now the dust is settling that I’m somewhere I don’t truly belong. 

The second I met Eli and Alexis they were my world, how could they not be? They are the best parts of me and Izzie. My heart beats for them, I have this whole new reason to get up in the morning. All my life all I wanted was a family and I was so consumed with that image I didn’t really think about myself. 

I think what I’m trying to say is that I’ve lost my way. I'm not really sure who I am if that makes sense...I’ve become this person I don’t recognise. I’m working on fixing that though, I’m working on becoming the man that I fought so hard to become at Grey Sloan while also being the father my kids deserve. 

I’m gonna look for a new apartment on Tuesday, I’ve got a couple of viewings set up already. I feel relieved saying that...like I can finally breathe and figure this all out by myself at my own pace.

The first night away from my kids was torturous but Izzie let me pick them up from school the next day and they were fine, they weren’t worried I wasn’t coming back, that I was gonna leave them. We sat them down and tried to talk to them about it in a way six-year-olds would understand. It made me laugh, they were so unphased by the whole thing, half the kids in their class have parents who are separated, they were just excited about the prospect of new toys in new bedrooms that they couldn't care less what me and Izzie are doing. I may have accidentally blown my paycheck on them, god they’ve got me wrapped around their little fingers. 

That guy is a dick for the record, the one from Seattle Pres. I mean I get it you’re a hard woman to forget but you deserve a hell of a lot better than that. God Jo you deserve a lot better than all of this crap, don’t sell yourself short any guy would be lucky to even have a chance with you, I know I was. 

I hope the fostering is going well, you’re probably doing better at this parenting thing then I am. 

Love 

Alex 

(Ps. give the peds guy a chance, Mer says he’s a good guy and you know it wasn’t that long ago that you thought a certain peds fellow was ‘kinda a dick.’)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me slowly posting away.
> 
> I feel like I wanna be like 'back to you in the studio Nina' and I'm not sure why.
> 
> But let us know what you think is gonna happen next...
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	15. Dear Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Live from the studio it’s Nina. Thanks for finally writing back Lay, took you long enough. (I’m kidding you know I love you)
> 
> Anyways here’s another letter from Jo! Enjoy!!
> 
> xoxo Nina

Dear Alex,

Sorry for any issues I caused between you and Izzie, I hope you know that wasn’t my intention when I wrote back to you that first time. You know better than anyone that our story didn’t get the closure it needed, and honestly, I thought I might get that by writing that letter. I don’t know if I would call this closure per se but it’s definitely something.

I told you before but I’ll say it again, you can’t force something that’s not meant to be. If you and Izzie weren’t going to work out, nothing was going to change that. Not me or your kids or you being in Seattle. I’m glad that now you have some time to self reflect and work on yourself and what being a dad means for you. Your kids are lucky to have two parents that care so deeply for them.

And you of all people should know how resilient kids are. Those little suckers can take anything you throw at them, almost a decade in Peds should’ve told you that by now. Eli and Alexis will be fine, they did just fine with a single mom for five years so their parents separating after less than a year will be a walk in the park for them. And if it isn’t, bribe them with ice cream and candy. (Only slightly joking…)

I’m taking the whole no dating thing as a positive right now, it’s helped keep me focused on work and fostering. I got my first kid last week, her name is Nora and she’s the most rambunctious one year old I’ve ever seen. She’s been running circles around me day and night, but she also just wants to be cuddled all the time. She’s been good for me, I think it’s good for her too. Her case worker said she’s only been in the system for six months so she’s still got a lot of fight left in her. Told you these kids were resilient. 

Sorry this letter is so short, I’m running on three and half hours of sleep and there’s a toddler climbing on me currently. I really hope you’re doing well, I wish I could be there to help you out right now but I know that all the changes that are happening for you right now are all positive. 

You deserve the world Alex. 

Love, 

Jo

(PS: Don’t mind the corner that got bitten off… To make up for it Nora and I have included a selfie together. )

  
  
  



	16. Dear Jo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we are on chapter 16 already but then again it feels like me and Nina planned this story out ages ago now.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this letter. Let us know your predictions in the comments.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> Lay  
> x

Dear Jo,

You don’t have to apologize for anything ever. This mess is mine and mine to fix. Izzie and I haven't really spoken other than general niceties about the kids. At the moment we have an arrangement where I see them every Wednesday evening till Friday morning unless it is my weekend in which I then keep them for the weekend and drop them to school on Monday.

You're right about kids being resilient, I mean mine don’t seem to be bothered, I guess me and Izzie hadn’t really been together long enough for them to even become attached to the idea of us as a couple. I never really thought about it before but Alexis sneaked into my bed the other night after complaining her new room had none of those glow in dark stars on the ceiling and we were just talking about this whole arrangement and she said she didn’t really care where I slept she was just happy to have a daddy. 

I had this whole perfect family image in my head, consumed with being better than my childhood but I would’ve killed to just have a healthy mom, to be under the same roof as Aaron and Amber, I didn’t need perfect...there’s no such thing as perfect.

It’s hard you know this whole single parenting thing, I’m sure it's the same with your fostering. There's no one there to help, no one to turn to when you feel like you're losing your mind but I'm getting there. I hope things are going well with Nora, she looks adorable for a tiny letter eating monster. I bet she's got you right in the palm of her hand. 

You look really happy Jo. I miss that smile...a lot. Way more than I care to admit and it’s not just that smile I miss it’s everything, it’s your laugh, it’s your ice-cold feet in bed, it’s the way you sing out of tune in the shower and the way you sneak new clothes into my wardrobe thinking I won’t notice, it’s all of it...it’s you. I miss you. 

When I wrote those first letters I was sitting at the table surrounded by my kid's drawings and everything felt so overwhelming. I could only see Eli and Alexis but now...now I have days to sit by myself in silence, I realise it only felt like that because I was in the middle of it all. 

I fucked up. I really ruined everything and now the only people hurting are you and me. Izzie was fine before I found her, her life was great, everything was exactly how she wanted it and I just bulldozed in and ignored the fact that if she had wanted me here she would’ve called. She didn’t have my kids because of me, she had them because she wanted her own babies and this was the only way she could do it and I’m so glad she did because I could never imagine a world without them in it but I also can’t imagine a world without you...and these letters there just my way of holding on to you. 

I see that now and I need to tell you that I love you. I have always loved you and I have to say it now because you have to say these things while you still can.

Love

Alex

(Ps. I was totally right you are by far the hottest foster mom I’ve ever seen.)


	17. Special Delivery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!! Lay and I co-wrote this chapter (the first one we’ve done that on) but we had a very clear idea of what we wanted to do and I think we did a good job!! This is the last chapter, but we’re going to add a little epilogue for you guys :) Hope you enjoy this!  
> xoxo Nina

“Hi is this Josephine Karev?”

Jo’s brows furrowed, as she stared at her phone. The sound of her ex-husband’s last name still sent shivers down her spine, but she was used to people still calling her by that name. Honestly, she hadn’t changed it yet, only going by Wilson socially.

“This is she, who’s calling?”

“My name is Jane, I’m a nurse at Kansas City General Hospital.”

The words instantly chill Jo’s blood, stopping her in the middle of the loft as her heart begins to beat wildly out of time. Please be kidding, please be a dumb joke that he’s playing on her that she can be mad about later.

“I’m calling because we have your husband, Alexander Karev, here, he’s been in a pretty bad car accident,” Jo doesn’t even register the fact that the woman on the other line thinks she’s still married to Alex, she’s just trying not to start crying. “He’s stable for now, are you able to come down?”

She’s already standing in front of her laptop, toddler balanced on her hip as she searches flights between Seattle and Kansas City, “I’m actually in Seattle, I’m trying to find a fight right now. How are his stats? Is he holding steady? What kind of injuries did he sustain?”

“I can’t release that information over the phone, but I can assure you he’s getting the best care possible,” the nurse’s voice is soothing which helps calm Jo only slightly. “Just let the front desk know when you’re here and we’ll update you on everything.”

“Okay, okay. Just, you’ll call if anything changes right?”

Jo knows her questions are nonsensical, she’s a doctor that’s updated families before and knows if Alex’s condition worsens then she’ll be contacted. The nurse reassures her once more before letting her go, Jo standing almost catatonic as she stares blankly at the screen in front of her. She hadn’t written Alex back yet, his letter had arrived almost a whole week ago and she couldn’t craft a response that summed up her emotions well enough to seal in an envelope and send back to him. She’d contemplated calling him but thought better of it as she’d stared at the words he’d written out to her.  _ I have always loved you and I have to say it now because you have to say these things while you still can.  _ The words make her nauseous now as she reads them, thinking of what kind of state Alex is in that a nurse was calling her instead of him.

“Okay kiddo, let’s get you sorted out, I’ve got some things to handle,” Jo presses a kiss to Nora’s dark curls, a heavy sigh leaving her as she looks from the baby to the plane tickets she’s just purchased.

-

There are approximately eight hours between Jo receiving the call about Alex and her landing in Kansas. She’d rushed out of the loft, dropped Nora off to a respite family, and rushed to the airport. It feels like she hasn’t taken a deep breath in hours, but as she climbs into the Uber she’d called and heads for the hospital, her lungs seem to move quicker than she’d like them to.

It had been almost ten months since she last saw Alex, a fact that hadn’t settled in until she had read the large glaring airport sign welcoming her to Kansas. She’d pictured this day more often than she can say, feelings of anger, betrayal, and sadness overtaking her visions of it. But right now, all Jo can feel is worry for her best friend, the love of her life.

As she pulls up outside the hospital, Jo mumbles her thanks to the driver rushing towards the entrance. The closer she got to him the harder her heart seemed to thump in her chest, “I’m...I’m looking for my husband...Alex Karev, I got a call say-”

“Jo” she spins around at the sound of her name, the colour draining from her face as she comes face to face with Izzie Stevens. She recognizes her immediately, she’d seen photos of her from their resident years but she was everything Alex had described her to be.

“He’s still in surgery.”

Her face is stone cold as she speaks, her eyes burning into Jo as she looks her up and down sizing her up. Jo swallows hard, trying to stop her hands from shaking as she takes a few steps closer, “What happened?”

“Truck ran a stop sign, smashed right into the side of his car. They said he was conscious when the ambulance arrived but he had major bleeding.”

Jo nods, she’s not sure what to say. Her heart aches knowing somewhere in the building Alex is being operated on. Somewhere in the building he is fighting for his life. She contemplates mentioning the letters as Izzie takes a seat in the waiting room, she doesn’t seem fazed by Jo’s presence as she nods to the empty chairs beside her.

The hours seem to tick by at an excruciatingly slow rate, the tension between to the two women as they sit silence could be cut with a knife, but Jo can’t focus on Izzie right now, all she can do is think about Alex, and all the time wasted, all the things she should’ve said but was to scared to and now it might be too late.

It’s dark outside when a doctor finally appears, still dressed in his blood covered scrubs and it makes Jo’s heart sink at the thought it could be Alex’s. He nods towards Izzie, who smiles politely back at him and Jo gets the vibe they already know each other.

“This is his wife… Jo.” She mutters quietly, surprising Jo, who never thought she’d even acknowledge Jo as Alex’s wife, especially when she knew they were legally divorced.

The doctor nods, holding his hand out for Jo as he explains Alex had been moved to the ICU, he wasn’t out of the woods yet but he was stable for now, they’d managed to stop the bleeding and if he made it through the night it would be a good sign.

Jo’s brain was foggy as she tried to comprehend all the information she was being told, letting out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding in since she’d first received the call.  _ He was okay. He’d be okay. _

“You can go first.” Izzie’s voice pulls Jo out of her thoughts as she looks up to see both Alex’s doctor and Izzie staring at her expectantly. “In to see him...I should call the babysitter anyway.”

Jo’s eyebrows furrow, she’s not sure what was going on but she knows she might not be as polite and understanding had it been the other way around. “I don’t understand.”

Izzie sighs, running her hand through her short blonde locks before she pulls a plastic bag out from underneath her jacket that had been laid out across the chair. Jo recognised the watch and wallet almost immediately, they must have been the personal belongings on Alex at the time of the accident. She watches as Izzie digs through the bag, pulling out a photo Jo recognizes all too well. It’s the photo she’d sent of her and Nora almost two and a half weeks ago now. The edges are already worn, as if Alex had taken it out over and over to look at the photo. 

“He’s a good man, a good father. Hell, I’m sure he’s a good husband… but he’s just not my husband.” Izzie mumbles flashing Jo a sympathetic smile as she hands her the bag before excusing herself out into the hallway.

Jo tries to even her breathing as she follows along behind the doctor as he leads her towards the ICU. Her breath catches in her throat as she catches sight of him. He’s asleep now, but bandaged and broken nonetheless. She’d never had to deal with this before, seeing him so hopeless. The sight brings a cry to the front of her throat as she sits in the chair next to his bed. Jo hesitates for a moment before reaching out and grasping Alex’s hand in her own. 

“You are… so freaking stupid. I’m sitting here after you left me to move to this deserted farm wasteland and somehow you’ve still managed to make me love you,” Jo wiped at her eyes, looking at Alex’s sleeping form. “I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t write you back but damn it I was scared! I was so scared that if I said it again you’d leave and then what does that make me? So maybe I’m the stupid one in this situation, but I’m here. I’m here and I really need you to wake up so I can tell you I love you.”

Jo sat in silence for a moment, watching the steady rise and fall of Alex’s chest as she tried to contain her tears. She squeezed his hand, as if it might let him know that she’s here and she’s not leaving. She’s shocked, however, when there’s a squeeze back. 

“Alex?”

“Hey there,” Jo looked up to Alex’s face, the crooked grin situated on his face making her well up with emotion as she let out a wet laugh. “I knew it.”

“Knew what,” Jo’s face scrunched up on confusion as she watched Alex intently. 

“That you loved me still. When you didn’t write back right away I knew,” Alex chuckled as a blush crept up Jo’s cheeks, her heart racing in a way that didn’t fill her with anxiety like the past couple of hours had. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Well I didn’t mail my letter back so I figured that this would be a better way to tell you,” Jo grinned, standing and pressing one hand against his cheek. “Consider it a special delivery.”

Leaning down, Jo pressed a gentle kiss against Alex’s lips. She knew he was still in pain, but seeing him and hearing his voice for the first time in so long had sparked something inside of her. When she pulled back, Alex’s hand moved up to tangle in her hair and bring her back towards him, their lips meeting once again as she suppressed a giggle. 

“You need to rest,” Jo pulled back from Alex with a wide smile, leaning her forehead against his. “You are in the ICU and your body will not heal if you’re sleep deprived. I’m not gonna be the reason you don’t get any sleep.”

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

Alex’s eyes are shining with hope, but deeper than that Jo can see the fear behind them. Fear that she doesn’t want to be here, that she’s just a dream… that she’ll leave him like he left her. Her fingers swipe across his stubbled cheek with a grin, eyes alight as they share a tender moment. 

“Always.” 

  
  
  
  
  



	18. Dear Alex/Dear Jo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like so long ago that me and Nina randomly planned this. I’m glad you guys loved it, it was very therapeutic to write. 
> 
> Anyway we hope you enjoy the last chapter.

**A-**   
**Laundry in dryer is clean, please fold so I don’t have to.**   
**J**

Hey hot stuff,  
Birthday sex?

Love Alex

**A-**   
**Yes please. On call room at noon.**   
**-J**

  
O’Connor definitely heard us in the on call room. He wouldn’t look me in the eye today.  
Alex

  
**Alex-**   
**Need a bigger house, don’t think we’ll be able to fit four kids in here when the twins come to visit ;) Surprise!**   
**xoxo Jo**   
**(PS Definitely made this baby in an on call room…)**

  
Jo,   
Stop buying crap on Amazon. You do not need more shoes when we’re still living out of boxes.   
Alex

  
**Couldn’t sleep. The baby kept kicking me in the ribs, I’m sitting in the nursery if you need me.**   
**Love Jo**

Bump,  
Stop kicking mom when she is trying to sleep. She’s really grumpy.  
Love a very tired dad

**Alex-**   
**Please pick up chocolate and pickles. Baby is craving some. You’re the best!**   
**xoxo J & Baby**

Jo  
Don’t work too hard today, remember you are carrying precious Karev cargo.  
Love  
Alex

**A-**   
**in labor, didn’t wanna interrupt your surgery. see you soon ;)**   
**xoxo J**

Jo,  
I’ve just gone down to the cafeteria, go back to sleep and get some rest before the twins and Nora arrive. You know they’ll be all over baby when they get here.

Love Alex

**Alex**   
**Baby spit up on your blue button up. I took it to the dry cleaners. Sorry!**   
**Jo**

Jo,  
Can’t find my car keys, took your car. Hope you don’t mind.  
Alex

**Alex**   
**Clean the car. Love you :)**   
**Jo**

Jo,

Can you grab some eggs on the way home? We need them for waffle Sunday tomorrow.   
Alex

**A-**   
**Daycare said Nora is trying to bite kids again. Can you pick her up early today? I’ll take baby.**   
**Love You, J**

Wifey,  
Mom called as I was heading into surgery, promised I’d call her back. She’s knitted new Christmas jumpers for the kids. Yes she knows it’s April.  
  
\- A

  
**husband**   
**Need more diapers. Probably more wine. And snacks.**   
**xoxo your sleep deprived wife**

Jo  
I left coffee in the pot for you. Have a good day, try and get some sleep.   
Love, A

  
**Alex-**   
**baby ate at 10, 2, 5, and 7. my boobs are empty, if she says otherwise she’s a liar. thanks for letting me sleep in.**   
**love you, J**

You look so hot in your scrubs today. How about we go for round 2 in the on call room?   
-A   
  


  
**grocery list:**  
 **eggs**  
 **bread**  
 **beer**  
 **diapers**  
 **condoms (don’t forget them this time)**  
 **bacon**  
 **ketchup**  
 **condoms (seriously Alex don’t forget)**  
 **lettuce**  
 **carrots**  
 **baby food**  
 **CONDOMS**  
  
  
Morning sleepyhead, me and the kids are outside building snowmen. Join us when you’re ready.  
\- A


End file.
